


Nobody knows but Doug

by agentcalliope



Series: A Doug's Life [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Does Doug care?, Doug cant help it, Doug might have a problem, F/M, Fitzsimmons is too perfect, Light Angst, No Spoilers, because Doug is such a shipper lets be honest he was probably there, because this is totally Doug witnessing the FS kiss, did i mention this is Doug witnesses the FS kiss?, nope - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcalliope/pseuds/agentcalliope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doug had a life once.</p><p>Then he discovered Fitz-Simmons, and my god was he in love (don’t tell his wife).</p><p> </p><p>Doug is a little too invested in Fitz and Simmons' relationship and he observes a very significant conversation. (Psst it's the kiss scene)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody knows but Doug

**Author's Note:**

  * For [memorizingthedigitsofpi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorizingthedigitsofpi/gifts).



> who encouraged me to write more of Doug and his fangirling. although lets be honest channeling my inner Doug is just the best stress reliever and I would've done this anyway.

 

* * *

 

Doug had a life once.

You know: that thing some people have where they are able to go about their day, socializing and being just _normal_ human beings?

 

Well. Doug had that-best as a SHIELD agent could, anyway- and he didn’t know what he had till it was gone.

And it was **_gone_** because he discovered Fitz-Simmons, and _my god was he in love_ (don’t tell his wife).

 

He’s a middle-age man- happily married for 20 years, father of three beautiful children- but a man’s got needs, okay? And all Doug needed was two certain British scientists to get together because _oh my god are they soulmates or what??_

 

Doug hasn’t talked to them yet, of course. As if _THE Fitz and Simmons_ would actually know a common, Redshirt SHIELD agent like him. But Doug has occasionally, _completely coincidentally,_ crossed their path a few times.

 

So what if Doug has bribed a few lab interns to let him come and visit sometimes?? It’s just to check up on Fitz and Simmons’ progress (Doug has to keep the FS journal updated daily it’s very important).

Except now Doug finds himself currently hiding behind a desk in the empty lab because Fitz just strode in, yelling at Simmons _in that damn perfect Scottish accent that is liquefied gold_ _UGH._

“Where do you get off?” Fitz angrily asks.

_Fitz why you yelling c’mon man you love her for the love of god please it’s not good for my health._

Fitz continues on, marching up to Simmons.

“Are you seriously mad at me?”

 

Doug risks a peek over the counter top, because he is _not gonna miss this nope nope he is about to witness a Fitz-Simmons moment and he is **HERE** for it._

Simmons, who has turned from the book she was reading faces Fitz to answer him.

“I’m mad at myself for roping you into this. It’s not fair, and I’m mad that you’re so willing to help.”

 

 _Oh my god what is happening no no no no this is not in my incredibly detailed outline_ Getting Fitz and Simmons to Say ‘I Love You’ in 15 Easy Steps!! _stick to the script guys okay I know you’ve never seen it much less know it exists but STICK TO THE FRICKEN SCRIPT._

“Wha… as opposed to what? What do you expect?”

 

_Yes Simmons please tell us what you expect because I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE ALL I KNOW IS THAT RIGHT NOW MY HEART HURTS._

 

“I don’t know- get angry! I cannot fathom anyway out of this without hurting someone I care about.”

 

_You are a grown man Doug don’t you dare cry now you still gotta have some form of dignity left._

“Do you think that I’m NOT angry? I’m sick to my stomach I’m _furious_ but not at you! Because we’re cursed! The bloody cosmos wants us to be apart!”

_DON’T SAY THAT YOU ARE BLESSED WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT SHE LOVES YOU???? I WILL FIGHT THE BLOODY COSMOS FOR YOUR LOVE FITZSIMMONS I WILL._

Doug is .76 seconds away from screaming.

 

Simmons rolls her eyes at Fitz, as if he’s mentioned something irrelevant.

“The cosmos doesn’t want anything.”

 

_YEAH SIMMONS THAT’S MY GIRL WOOHOO YOU TELL HIM._

 

“Yeah, well I beg to differ. Because we had _years_ … side by side. Never occurred to us. And then when it does we don’t have the courage to talk about it.”

 

_Ask **me** please: I have the courage to talk about it. I can talk about your love for approximately 3.4 hours without needing a break my wife Martha timed it once. And I’ll have you know I only cried 72 times._

“Well, you only mentioned it at the bottom of the ocean facing certain death-”

 

“ _You_ wait till I’m bound for war on an aircraft carrier and then you get swept off to some far-flung planet. With him. Top marks, Pilot Astronaut hero man.”

 

Simmons looks like she’s going to cry and Doug totally understands because _screw it who needs dignity not him._

 

“I would do anything t-”

 

“Do you love him?” Fitz interrupts.

 

_I am going to literally spontaneously combust right now. Yep. Sorry Martha I love you take good care of Johnny, Sarah and Maggie don’t forget Dad loves you all and it’s been just real nice knowing ya._

“I don’t know I think- yes.”

 

_NO SIMMONS NO YOU DON’T **THINK** YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU **KNOW** YOU LOVE SOMEONE LIKE HOW I **KNOW** YOU LOVE FITZ OH MY GOD okay you might’ve loved Will because let’s be honest he was a very attractive man I’ve seen the photos and you thought you would never come back so you made do its okay nobody blames you Sister believe me I understand BUT YOU DON’T LOVE HIM THE SAME WAY YOU LOVE FITZ WHY AREN’T YOU TELLING HIM THAT oh my god no look at his face okay STABBING ME WOULD LITERALLY HURT LESS._

 

“Yeah, yeah. Course you do, course you do. He’s strong and smart and you gave each other hope on the edge of nowhere.”

 

“Don’t do this Fitz.”

 

_Yeah DON’T DO THIS FITZ._

“You think I didn’t look for dirt on him?” Fitz walks back over to Simmons, slamming the counter with his fist.

“I did. And there’s nothing. I can’t hate him he’s great why else would you fall for him he did everything right-”

 

“ _And you dove through a hole in the universe for me!”_ Simmons’ yells and Doug is positive she actually did read his outline because number 7 is in fact ‘have Simmons acknowledge that Fitz risked death to save her x3’ (number 6 is acknowledging that Simmons left to save him x2)

 

Then Doug's hopes and dreams come (partly) true.

 

_MY. GOD. DID HE- YES HE DID. SCREAMING INTO THE ABYSS HE JUST TOTALLY WENT FOR IT AND DID YOU SEE THAT HAND PLACEMENT? IT WAS HIGH- MUCH HIGHER THAN APPROPIATE WHO KNEW HE HAD IT IN HIM- OH MY **GOD** DID SHE JUST SWIPE THE BOOK OF THE COUNTER AS HE KISSED HER?? YES SHE DID I AM DEAD. I AM SO INCREDIBLY DEAD. WHAT IS AIR??? WHAT IS LIFE?? I CAN’T BYE._

 

And then-

 

_WHY YOU PULL AWAY NO FITZ WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD STOP NO PLEASE THIS IS A NO SADNESS ZONE- OH MY HEAVENS IS SHE- YES SHE IS KISSING HIM BACK I REPEAT SHE IS KISSING. HIM. BACK. DJKSANJDKNFDJSANFKSC I FEEL SO ALIVE FRICK YEAHHH JEFF IN COMMUNICATIONS CAN SUCK IT yeah that’s right Mr. ‘Simmons doesn’t love Fitz as much as he loves her’ SIMMONS IS KISSING FITZ BACK AND YOU CAN’T DENY TRUE LOVE, BITCH._

_She’s going in for another kiss praise the lord I am not worthy-_

 

But then Fitz pulls away.

“We’re cursed”

 

_WHAT ABOUT ME **I’M** FRICKING CURSED. _

Doug decides that the second he is able to get out of there he is going straight to his room, and after looking though his _Weddings in the Scottish Highlands_ catalogs to make himself feel better, he is going to comb every single damn real estate website for cottages in Perthshire.

 

_GIVE ME PERTHSHIRE OR GIVE ME DEATH._

Doug _has_ mentioned that he’s been following Fitz-Simmons’ progress for a bit- hasn’t he?


End file.
